It's been a little while since I've linked up with the Finish the Sentence Friday crew. So, I'm pretty excited to be getting back in the groove with this week's link up.
And this week's sentence to finish is "I wasn't myself when I..."
...was in labor with our son. It's important to note that my pregnancy was fairly stress free - little to nothing out of the ordinary. Maybe a little swelling in the hands and feet towards the end, but that was it. I really can't say the same for the labor part - it was just a tad bit livelier.
I was induced on a Sunday morning. The Pitocin worked beautifully (I know that is not always the case). And as my contractions became stronger and closer together, I began to shake. It was like I was shivering and I couldn't control it. I was fine besides that. Then the epidural came and helped tremendously with the pain from the contractions. Unfortunately, it made me nauseous. Or maybe it was just my body's way of reacting to what it was going through, but nonetheless, I felt like vomiting.
So, what did they do? They gave me some medicine for that. The effects of the medicine were not only to quench the queasy, but they were also sedative. As the doctor came in to start the actual delivery, I was barely awake. How can you expect a woman in labor who is barely coherent to push and do so for enough time that a baby will actually come out? Well, I tried and tried and tried.
Finally, the baby's heart rate begins to drop a little, I'm not doing so hot, and doctor starts to worry. He suggests we head to the operating room and bring Little Man into the world via C-Section. I'm all for it - what sleepy, confused mother-to-be who just wants to see her baby wouldn't be all for getting baby out?
We are in the operating room. I'm laying on my back with my arms stretched out. The anesthesiologist gives me more meds and the cutting begins. "Excuse me, should I be able to feel that?" Of course, the doctor's reply is no - let's give her even more meds. So, here comes more of the pain numbing wonderfulness. Do you recall what this kind of medicine does for me already? I felt like vomiting before - well, now I really am vomiting. I can't move my body - so, while the doctor is cutting Little Man out, I'm back here holding my head to the side trying to keep my body still while vomiting in one of those hospital cups. Truly awesome - I'm certain my husband was thinking just how beautiful I was (actually, I think he was pretty worried).
Little Man cries, sweetest sound a Mama has ever heard, but I'm still vomiting. Husband goes with Little Man as they take him away to care for him. They sew me up, and I'm still vomiting. Did I mention they threw some more anti-vomiting meds at me? So, now the vomiting is coming to a close, and I'm pretty sure I don't know who I am or even care.
As I am hanging out in recovery all by my lonesome, I vomit a couple more times and eventually start to feel less like the plague. Husband shows up, tells me all about baby boy and all I want to do is see him and sleep.
Once in my room, I do get to see him. I won't go into how precious and awesome that moment is here, because this post is all about me and not being myself.
So, it's night time - I think night number two. Little Man is in the hospital nursery and Husband and I are trying to get some rest. I'm trying really hard to take advantage of him being in the nursery but at the same time am having a hard time separating from him. I am on pain medicine - I am thinking I'm about off of the morphine now and just on pain pills. I hear crying - it sounds just like his crying. I keep telling myself that they would bring him to me if it were him.
I cannot let it go. I still hear crying - why are they not bringing me my baby. He needs me. So, having just had major surgery and barely able to walk... I hastily get out of bed, walk into the hall and start finding my way towards the crying. Low and behold, it's in the room next to us. Why is my baby in that room? A nurse finds me looking a little disturbed and asks me if I need anything. I say, I need my baby and he's in that room. She says no, honey, your baby is in the nursery. Remember, I am not myself and I'm on meds, so I am convinced he is in there and needs me. Bless that nurse's heart, she was so kind and patient. I'm thinking she sees crazy new Mama's roaming the halls accusing other people of having their baby all the time, right?
Finally, Husband awakes and is alarmed when he realizes I am out of bed. He finds me in the hall confused and concerned about Little Man crying and the nurses not bringing him to me. Between him and the nurse, I finally realize, that's not my baby. I'm lead back to the room and am told to relax and sleep. Then, moments later, Little Man comes rolling in and he is crying, but it's a subtle cry - not the cry I was hearing and fretting over. They place him in my arms and all is right with the world.
I'm pretty sure that was the last of my strange behavior while in the hospital. Once the meds wore off and I no longer needed them as much, I returned to myself - a little strange sometimes but not vomiting constantly and accusing nurses of holding my newborn baby hostage.
Basically, I'm not myself when I'm taking meds while in labor.
Thanks for reading.
August 22, 2013
Four Years Old
22 hours ago