I occasionally enter these moods where I ponder on whether or not I'm okay with who I've become. I try to see myself from an outside angle and consider how others might see me. And honestly, I'm not always happy when I do this. Would I even want to be friends with me?
I realize I am sometimes entirely too hard on myself, but I also know that my standards need to be more like God's and less like the world's. I know I will never achieve the qualities that I strive for, but it's these periods in my life in which I become aware of the fact that I'm no longer working towards those characteristics that I find myself discouraged.Where is my compassion? I'm becoming so wrapped up in the constant non-stop schedule that is life today that I don't even stop to consider the needs of others. When I do that, I'm saying my time is more precious than yours. How selfish. In order to serve Him, we must serve others.
My patience can be so thin at times. I can get so frustrated when something is left out of place or not put away. Example, if I've not yet put laundry away and my husband needs something in the middle of the stack. The fact that he practically unfolds everything that is around what he actually wants can drive me crazy at times. But do I really want that to be something I lose patience over? Aren't there more important battles to fight together as a couple? Really, how hard is that for me to fix? I should just be thankful that I have a husband who loves me and that I love, to even nag.
I'm out of balance in regards to the meekness to boisterous spectrum. I have a tendency to be one extreme or the other. I'm either reserved and speak only when I'm confident in the words I'm about to share, or I'm incredibly energetic - which most likely is annoying to those around me. I love being happy and making others smile and laugh, but I need to reel in my joy a tad. I don't want to become so outwardly boisterous that I lose the respect that is gained from being meek. I need to achieve that balance so as not to be perceived as foolish.
I look at myself in the mirror and I do not see the virtuous woman I want to be. Even more alarming is that I'm not even working towards becoming her - I've let the world and the demands of life crowd out the desire to be a Godly woman.
The question that remains is whether or not I'm convicted enough to actually make a change. Let's hope this moment is not fleeting but instead serves as a catalyst for improvement.
What are your thoughts?
As always, thanks for reading.
Kate
September 24, 2013
9 Comments:
Love this post and it's oh so true! I'll admit that I'm a perfectionist and that I also have high standards for myself. I try to act in ways in which I'd want others to act towards me and also in ways that others want. I know I should be myself because I am my own person but sometimes it's hard. I like to please others so much because I want them happy and want them to be like "you're awesome, thanks" that I dont consider my own happiness or self-worth. I cant agree more with the patience thing. I like to plan things and organize and if my schedule or something gets thrown off, forget it. don't get me started on laundry. Someone who is so organized and someone who doesnt care if clothes are left on the floor...it makes for an interesting pair!
Great post and I can totally relate. I think most women I struggle with all that you wrote about. I myself struggle with the person I am at times and my lack of focus on changing what needs changing. As for patience. ..augh I pray for more!! Great post.
Have standards more like God's and less like the world's is KEY, and probably also the hardest part for me. It's too easy to want to fit in with the world!!
I LOVE this post. It is something I have thought about myself often....am I the friend I think I am and would I want to be friends with me? More scary is am I the wife I should be or is my husband just tolerating me?! We only have God's word to match ourselves too and it is so hard to keep up. Let Go and Let God (help me and you!)
You couldn't have said it better. My patience with my husband can be very thin and it's not fair to him. I often times think who have I become.
As for you, I am sure you are just being extra tough on yourself!
I think that sometimes we (and by that I mean ME) are our own worst critic; even my friends tell me that sometimes. It's hard not to be tough on yourself, but its a great goal to work on.
Thanks for a wonderful post and a good personal reminder; stopped by from the Saturday Sharefest at SITS
I think if you really have these weaknesses, and I'm not doubting you, just thinking you might be being too hard on yourself (aren't we all??) that you've just taken the first step to correcting them by recognizing and declaring them!!
I've taken active steps to be more involved with my friends. I tend to get into my own little groove and not reach out to those important people enough. The first step for me, answering the phone when they call instead of letting it go to voice mail and not calling back for days!!! Baby steps, and I'm working on them too. :)
Have a great Sunday!
I love this post! There are so many things I want to see change in myself. I am fortunate that I am surrounded by people who love me for who and what I am but I want to be better for myself and for my loved ones.
Dropping by from Raising Imperfections. :)
Congratulations Kate ~ I featured this post at today's Feature Friday post from Sunday's Raising Imperfection.
http://raising-reagan.com/2013/10/04/feature-friday-week-38/
Feel free to grab the Feature Badge and display it on your blog if you choose!
Hope to see you at the next RI!
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(¸¤ Lanaya | xoxo
Raising-Reagan.com
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i HEART comments! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts!