Do you ever wonder if you weren't actually you, if you'd actually like you or not?
I occasionally enter these moods where I ponder on whether or not I'm okay with who I've become. I try to see myself from an outside angle and consider how others might see me. And honestly, I'm not always happy when I do this. Would I even want to be friends with me?
I realize I am sometimes entirely too hard on myself, but I also know that my standards need to be more like God's and less like the world's. I know I will never achieve the qualities that I strive for, but it's these periods in my life in which I become aware of the fact that I'm no longer working towards those characteristics that I find myself discouraged.
Where is my compassion? I'm becoming so wrapped up in the constant non-stop schedule that is life today that I don't even stop to consider the needs of others. When I do that, I'm saying my time is more precious than yours. How selfish. In order to serve Him, we must serve others.
My patience can be so thin at times. I can get so frustrated when something is left out of place or not put away. Example, if I've not yet put laundry away and my husband needs something in the middle of the stack. The fact that he practically unfolds everything that is around what he actually wants can drive me crazy at times. But do I really want that to be something I lose patience over? Aren't there more important battles to fight together as a couple? Really, how hard is that for me to fix? I should just be thankful that I have a husband who loves me and that I love, to even nag.
I'm out of balance in regards to the meekness to boisterous spectrum. I have a tendency to be one extreme or the other. I'm either reserved and speak only when I'm confident in the words I'm about to share, or I'm incredibly energetic - which most likely is annoying to those around me. I love being happy and making others smile and laugh, but I need to reel in my joy a tad. I don't want to become so outwardly boisterous that I lose the respect that is gained from being meek. I need to achieve that balance so as not to be perceived as foolish.
I look at myself in the mirror and I do not see the virtuous woman I want to be. Even more alarming is that I'm not even working towards becoming her - I've let the world and the demands of life crowd out the desire to be a Godly woman.
The question that remains is whether or not I'm convicted enough to actually make a change. Let's hope this moment is not fleeting but instead serves as a catalyst for improvement.
What are your thoughts?
As always, thanks for reading.
September 24, 2013
Four Years Old
22 hours ago